THE ULTIMATE NUTCASE!!!

Hey folks! I'm back and ready to give you some bad wrestling that so many of you have been begging me for this month. With Wrestlemania rapidly approaching, WWE is going to be putting their best foot forward right now, making sure that people will buy the show. And although I already feel they dropped the ball by not bringing in Sting (not yet anyway), they certainly made up for it by bringing the Rock back and having him say what so many of us diehards have been claiming for years: JOHN CENA SUCKS! I don't think Cena's a bad guy, but I've never bought him as a main eventer. The Miz, Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan are far more entertaining in the ring. Either way, there should be some good shows coming up, so stay tuned. But enough about that. It's time for some crap!

No one name in wrestling stirs up more negative feelings than Jim Hellwig. If that name doesn't ring a bell, than you'd probably recognize his alter ego: the Ultimate Warrior. There's a million things that can be said about him, and none are very positive. It is possible, however, that he is simply misunderstood. That his erratic behavior and violent mood swings are simply overblown. Perhaps this appearance on the old Arsenio Hall Show back in 1990 will help clear the air.

Or maybe not. Let that be a lesson kids: cocaine and steroids are a dangerous mix!

I'd go into detail here, but we all got better things to do. The brief history is Hellwig started wrestling, teamed with a guy named Steve Borden (who later became Sting) as the Blade Runners, went to World Class Championship Wrestling (WCCW) and became the Dingo Warrior, then went to the WWF and became the Ultimate Warrior. He became a huge star, let success go to his head, and made a quick habit of pissing everybody off and burning bridges. His last major appearance was in WCW back in the fall of 1998, where he competed as "the Warrior" because he legally couldn't use the word "Ultimate". (At some point in the mid 1990's, he legally changed his name to the Ultimate Warrior, but the WWF/WWE holds the copyright, so he can only professionally use in a WWE ring.) And that's pretty much it. These days, he tours colleges giving lectures on the Seven Warrior Principles and tries to explain the meaning of the word "Destucity". Oh, and he also did a comic book series back in 1996 that explained his origins, which somehow included him kidnapping Santa Claus and putting the jolly old elf in bondage! (Do yourself a favor and resist the urge to track copies of that monstrosity down. Reading the Ultimate Warrior's comic book will cause you to loose faith in humanity!)

Well folks, that's it for today. I'll catch y'all next time with some new comics and maybe a little something extra. Until next time, later!